


It Never Happened

by widdlewed



Series: Guys NO [10]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, I love Dame-Tsuna, IDK anything about trains or Japanese transportation I am sorry, Multi, Out of Character, Tsuna is really REALLY DAME, butchered Japanese transportation bs, gudetama, mentions of Japanese culture, ok? ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 10:24:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10304714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/widdlewed/pseuds/widdlewed
Summary: Back when their friendship was still fresh, the boys decided to take a friendship-strengthening trip.There's a reason they don't talk about it anymore.Set after Guys, NO! and before Damn Vongola.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Witch_of_Perception](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witch_of_Perception/gifts).



> So I said I'd maybe, MAYBE write a one-shot or something about what happened to the boys during all those hinted incidents. I didn't write every single one but I wrote the ones I thought would be the most humorous. 
> 
> I needed something fun to write and to laugh to myself about because this chapter of Damn Vongola I'm working on isn't my usual crack/humor/angst chapter. Nah son. Be warned.

**Kyoto**

 

“Popcorn is the only food you need,” Tsuna commented as he shoveled another handful into his mouth. Hayato, settled on Tsuna’s bed and looking understandably uncomfortable, eyed Takeshi. Takeshi stepped into the room with a laugh, using a towel to dry his wet hair. 

 

“Tsuna, you said that about coffee, and that’s a  _ drink, _ ” Takeshi teased. 

 

“You can have coffee cake and coffee ice cream and-”

 

“Tsunayoshi-sama,” Hayato’s voice was strangled, “ _ no _ . Where are your  _ meats?  _ Your  _ greens _ ? Do I need to make a dietary menu for you?” Takeshi’s smile was soft, his eyes crinkled as Tsuna scrunched his nose up at Hayato. 

 

“Gokudera-san,” Tsuna spoke out and Hayato bodily flinched at having been addressed so distantly. He rested  a gentle hand on Hayato’s forearm. “I can survive off coffee cake, it’s okay.” 

 

“No, Tsunayoshi-sama, it’s not,” Hayato argued. Tsuna and Hayato had a stare-down, Takeshi snickering in the background. After a beat, Hayato sighed. “Whatever.” Hayato turned away from Tsuna’s cutely pouting face, unable to look at the teen without having to fight the urge to cry in his face.  _ Again _ . 

 

It’d only been a week since Hayato had moved to Japan from Italy and had his rather embarrassing first meeting with Tsuna and Takeshi. Things were still a little awkward between the three of them - Hayato always looking ready to cry at the sight of Tsuna, Tsuna not understanding why his very existence was making him want to cry, and Takeshi just going along with it.

 

It was a work in progress - their friendship that was. 

 

“Y’know what would be a good idea right now?” Takeshi spoke out as he dropped his wet towel on top of Tsuna, who gave a whine. 

 

“You to stop talking?” Hayato snapped back, eyebrow raised. 

 

“Let’s have a friendship-bonding field trip! They always have those in the manga and anime shows, right? We just gotta go camping and have Hayato fall down a fenced off pathway and Tsuna can go dive after him all shoujo-like and-”

 

“What are you fantasizing?” Hayato hollered as he chucked a pillow off Tsuna’s bed and smacking Takeshi on the face. “Dumbass!”

 

“That sounds so fun!” Tsuna gasped, stars in his eyes. Hayato rounded on Tsuna, face beaming. 

 

“If you want to go, Tsunayoshi-sama, I will gladly make the preparations for you!” Hayato declared, phone whipped out. 

 

“What, really? Oh man, I’ve always wanted to go to Kyoto!” Tsuna gushed, face bright like the sun which had set long ago. 

 

Takeshi caught Hayato’s stricken face at Tsuna’s smile and gave a understanding, watery smile. Tsuna was clueless as to why Hayato had to excuse himself to the bathroom. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello Kyoto!” Tsuna called out the moment their plane touched down, his arms spread wide. Takeshi laughed as he ushered Tsuna forward, Hayato trailing behind them as he scribbled in a notebook. 

 

“Tsunayoshi-sama, why did you want to go here again?” Hayato asked as he looked over his glasses frames, his silver hair pulled into a tight pony-tail. 

 

“I want to visit Eigamura,” Tsuna admitted with a smile. 

 

“Hm?” Takeshi adjusted the straps of their bags along his arms and shoulders, “what’s that again?” 

 

“Kyoto Toei Studio Park,” Hayato prattled off as he snagged Tsuna by the shirt collar, stopping him from tripping forward. “It’s basically a theme park that doubles as a movie/TV set. A lot of movies were filmed there as well as that one music video.” 

 

“Heh~ Is that why you wanna go Tsuna?” Takeshi laughed. He stopped, however, when Tsuna tripped (despite Hayato’s hold on him) and sprawled on the floor. Multiple pamphlets of Gudetama spilled from Tsuna’s hoodie, showing the Edo-themed attractions that Gudetama would be sported in. 

 

“....” Takeshi stared. “Tsuna.” 

 

“It-it’s not-um-” Tsuna’s face was beet red, his arms a blur as he scrambled for his papers. 

 

“Tsunayoshi-sama,” Hayato looked up from his phone camera, “we should hurry.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Takehashi Eijirou could admit that yeah, maybe working as a masked mascot at theme parks on the weekend wasn’t the best job but dammit, he wanted that money to buy that limited edition Final Fantasy figurine. No one could judge him. Especially not now when he was dressed as Shogun Gudetama. Eijirou hummed to himself as he waddled around, waving to children or posing (dabbing) in photos with tourists. 

 

“GUDETAMA!” Eijirou nearly swore as he was tackled from behind. He turned, expecting to see a tiny child.

 

A blubbering thirteen year old teenager stared back at him. 

 

“Gudetama-san I’m lost! I can’t find my friends and I’m scared and I don’t know what to do and-” 

 

Eijirou just stared. This short teenager looked a hysterical mess, fat tears rolling down their cheeks. 

 

“It-It’s okay, tiny kid,” Eijirou spoke. “I’ll-uh-I’ll help you find them. Where was the last place you saw them?” 

 

“Kyo-Kyoto Station,” Tsuna sniffled. 

 

_ You abandoned them?!  _ Eijirou cried in his mind.  _ It’s one thing to board the train without them but another to pay the entrance fee and come into the park alone! _

 

“A-aaah, is that so? W-well, let’s go to the information desk and see if maybe they came to find you? You don’t have your phone?” Eijirou asked as he took Tsuna’s hand, waddling off with the teen. 

 

“N-no. Takeshi has it in my bag. Gokudera-kun made me carry my own wallet so I have that with me,” Tsuna explained. Eijirou suppressed the urge to sigh. 

 

“That’s okay,” Eijirou reassure as Tsuna nibbled on his bottom lip. “Everything is okay.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“How the fuck do you lose someone who is literally clinging to you?” Eijirou grumbled as he looked around, huffing as he struggled to see out of his tiny eyeholes. He stood there for a moment, looking around at the bustling crowd. 

 

They had been walking together not second before, holding hands so they wouldn’t get separated. 

 

Or so Eijirou had hoped. 

 

“This is all your fault, asshole. If you hadn’t pushed Tsunayoshi-sama onto the train, we wouldn’t have gotten separated.” 

 

Eijirou looked over, taking in the sight of two teenagers dressed in kimonos and poorly worn bald-head caps

 

“Haha, I wasn’t expecting him to go into the park by himself,” Takeshi laughed. “This Tsuna is full of surprises!” 

 

“Should we be worried? I mean, Tenth was someone to worry about. On a Scale of 1-10, where does this Tsunayoshi-sama land?” Hayato asked bluntly. 

 

“20. This Tsuna seems to, um, beat our Tsuna a good few times over when it comes to Dame-ness. I-I don’t really know how to describe it. Once, I caught him trying to clean his room.” Takeshi paused and Hayato raised an eyebrow. “He...he trailed trash after him when he walked. I-I can’t explain it.” 

 

“....dear god, we’re screwed. Tsunayoshi-sama! TSUNAYOSHI-SAMA!” Hayato cried hysterically. 

 

“...You lookin’ for a tiny teen?” Eijirou asked as he waddled over to the two. Hayato nodded desperately and Takeshi stared passively at the mascot. 

 

“I-I had his hand. He can’t be far from-” 

 

“ **_Could the guardians of one Sawada Tsunayoshi please come to the Help Desk. Your child is waiting. Could the parents or guardian of Sawada Tsunayoshi please come to the Help Desk. He is crying. Please hurry. Please.”_ **

 

“I’m buying him a leash,” Takeshi laughed and Eijirou watched the two strange teens walk away, oddly feeling like the taller Japanese teen wasn’t joking. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Tsunayoshi-sama, I am so sorry we got separated from you!” Hayato wailed as he hugged Tsuna around the neck, petting Tsuna’s hair. Tsuna was licking on a coffee-flavored lollipop. He blinked. 

 

“It’s fine. I had fun! Now, let’s go look at that Gudetama stage-play! Apparently they’re reenacting the fall of the fifth Shogun!” Tsuna beamed, tugging at their hands. 

 

The receptionist at the Help desk tried very hard not to bodily jump at the sight of the silver-haired teen bursting into gross sobs. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Wanna try this sea-bass?” Takeshi asked as he held up the sushi piece. 

 

“Nu-uh. I don’t eat anything with the word ‘ass’ in it,” Tsuna spoke with a shake of his head. Hayato slowly lowered his chopsticks, face carefully still as he stared at Tsuna. 

 

“What.” 

 

“I don’t. It’s gross,” Tsuna defended. 

 

“Tsunayoshi-sama, there is, like, two foods that have the word ‘ass’ in it and one of them is grass. I hope you don’t eat grass,” Hayato spoke like a patient teacher. 

 

“Of course I don’t. It has the word ‘ass’ in it,” Tsuna spoke, his tone implying he thought Hayato was stupid. 

 

“I guess you won’t eat the actual thing then, huh?” Takeshi asked and Hayato smashed the baseball player’s head into the table, grinding it into the wood as Tsuna frowned. 

 

“What, grass? No? I just said-”

 

“It’s nothing Tsunayoshi-sama. Here, have some tuna.” Hayato raised his chopsticks for Tsuna to try his sushi. Tsuna gasped, looking offended. 

 

“You want me to eat my brethren?”

 

Hayato threw his hands up, excusing himself. Takeshi, still laying face-first on the table, chuckled deeply as Tsuna munched happily on his tamago rolls. 

 

* * *

 

 

**Ikebukuro**

 

“What I don’t get,” Tsuna kicked his feet  as he flipped a page of his manga, “is why she left her husband for a bee? Like, they can’t have any sort of relationship? If he accidentally stings her, he’s dead.” 

 

“Tsunayoshi-sama,” Hayato groaned as he rested back against his stiff airplane seat, “are we talking about that stupid Bee Movie?” 

 

“No,” Tsuna slowly dragged out. “Anyways, I don’t want to go back to Namimori yet. Let’s go to Ikebukuro. We make a stop there before going to Namimori.” 

 

“No we don’t?” Takeshi, sitting on the outside seat of their row, tilted his head. “We fly right over Ikebukuro.” 

 

“Oh,” Tsuna pouted and flipped another page of his manga. “That sucks.” Takeshi stared at Tsuna’s downcasted expression before excusing himself. Tsuna’s eyes flickered to Takeshi’s retreating back before he wiggled in his seat, sighing. 

 

“Is...is that book interesting?” Hayato asked as he tried to get comfortable. 

 

“Uhuh!” Tsuna rounded wide, sparkling eyes onto Hayato. “So the main character is this kid who has a alien thing in his body and he finds out aliens actually exist and he becomes a member of some sort of alien-police kind of group and-”

 

“Forgive this interruption,” the stewardess spoke up, cutting Tsuna off. “The Captain has instructed an emergency landing in Ikebukuro. Again, the Captain has instructed an emergency landing in Ikebukuro. Sorry for the delay.” 

 

“Huh,” Tsuna blinked as he scratched his nose. “What a awesome coincidence! Looks like we can go to Ikebukuro after all!” 

 

“Yeah,” Hayato spoke as he eyed a happily-humming Takeshi walking back towards them. “A coincidence.” 

 

People tried, they really did, but no one could look away at the sight of a tiny teenager leashed to another teenager. Not handcuffed, not zip-tied, but leashed. As in one of those cutesy animal-looking backpack leashes you buy for your rambunctious child who doesn’t understand the meaning of ‘stay with mommy’. The backpack was a fuzzy black cat, the leash length acting as the tail. 

 

Hayato hummed as he tightened his grip on the leash, uncaring to the stares they were receiving. 

 

If it kept Tsuna close to them, he’d fucking hog-tie the shorter teen if he had to. 

 

“Says here Animate is just 5 minutes from the JR Ikebukuro Station,” Takeshi spoke as he flipped through a pamphlet. 

 

“Where did you get that?” Hayato asked as he tugged harshly on the leash. Tsuna stumbled backwards into Hayato and blinked up at the silver haired teen. 

 

“Oh cool, we can go here to get here and then arrive at Animate!” Takeshi laughed, pointing at the paper. 

 

“That makes no sense!” Hayato roared. 

 

* * *

 

  
  


“It’s okay Hayato,” Takeshi tried to sooth. 

 

“HOW DO YOU LOSE SOMEONE WHO IS LITERALLY LEASHED TO YOU?!” Hayato roared at the top of his lungs, his voice echoing around the second story of Animate. People jumped and looked over at the teen spewing Italian. 

 

“I told you,” Takeshi sighed, “Tsuna’s just -  _ really  _ Dame.” 

 

“I didn’t - I don’t want to admit to that! I really don’t!” Hayato gross-sobbed, “But Tsunayoshi-sama is so fucking DAME!” 

 

“I know,” Takeshi patted Hayato’s shoulder. “I know.” 

 

“I just - I mean - he’s  _ leashed _ ! I just - TSUNAYOSHI-SAMA!” Hayato screamed out. 

 

**_“Attention customers! We will begin our daily parade of cosplayers! Please clear a pathway for the workers! Thank you!”_ **

 

Takeshi backed up, dragging Hayato as he did so, as people began to bustle back to create a pathway. Takeshi’s eyes swept over the growing crowd and his face fell. 

 

“Haya, Takeshi tugged on Hayato’s sleeve. 

 

“I don’t want to look,” Hayato whispered as he buried his face into his hands. 

 

“No, seriously,” Takeshi harshly tugged Hayato’s head up. Hayato’s face fell. At the front of the crowd of cosplayers was a very muscular looking man. 

 

Sitting on the muscular man’s shoulder was Tsuna, decked out in a cosplay outfit of a belly dancer, bells and veil and all. 

 

“....I-I can’t,” Hayato wheezed as he hid his face as Tsuna beamed happily at catching sight of the two. “I just - Tenth was  _ never this bad _ . What did you do?” 

 

“I got him to open up?” Takeshi gritted out as his eyes trailed along Tsuna’s revealed skin. Hayato stomped on his foot and surged forward, ripping Tsuna off the man’s shoulder. 

 

“He’s not legal, fucktard! Touch him again and I’ll blow you to pieces!” Hayato snarled at the man’s startled face. 

 

“Sorry Boss, gotta go! I found my friends!” Tsuna waved as Takeshi took Tsuna from Hayato, putting him down on the ground. 

 

“Bye Tiny child! Stay safe!” Many of the cosplayers called as they paraded past. 

 

“....I want to go home,” Hayato whispered to himself. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you going to change out of that stupid outfit?” Takeshi laughed as the three left the building. Tsuna, still dressed in his belly-dancer costume, flushed. 

 

“I traded my clothes for this,” Tsuna admitted. Hayato fell to his knees, banging his fists against the concrete as he soundlessly screamed at the top of his lungs. 

 

“Haha, you’re really breaking him in, Tsuna!” Takeshi laughed as he hugged a arm around Tsuna’s shoulders. Tsuna just blinked. 

 

* * *

 

 

**Sapporo**

 

“Tsunayoshi-sama, seriously, please change,” Hayato begged, his voice tired as he stared blankly at Tsuna. 

 

“Nu-uh! I traded my clothing for this outfit and I’m going to wear it until I am happy!” Tsuna pouted, hugging his arms around his revealed middle. Takeshi’s hand was planted firmly on his shoulder in a death-grip, keeping the smaller teen in sight as they made their way through the airport. 

 

“Haya’s right,” Takeshi spoke as he ruffled Tsuna’s hair. “It’s going to be cold soon so you might as well-”

 

“OH THANK GOD!” Takeshi was rudely shoved out of the way as a man fell to his knees in front of Tsuna, gripping Tsuna’s hands in his. “Please, you gotta help me!” 

 

“Who the fuck-” 

 

“Whatcha need?” Tsuna asked, cutting Hayato off. Hayato and Takeshi traded startled looks as the man all but kidnapped Tsuna, running through the airport. 

 

“FOR FUCK SAKES!” Hayato boomed and chased after, Takeshi’s eyes steel as he fingered his hidden razor blade. 

 

The two teens lagged behind as the mysterious man led Tsuna out of the airport and down the street, hailing a taxi. The two followed as the taxi flew through the streets, heading towards the mountainous areas. 

 

“If this fucker tries anything funny,” Hayato growled threateningly, the driver glancing back nervously. 

 

“Hahaha, same.” Takeshi laughed, his voice sharp. 

 

The man led Tsuna into the wooded area, the two disappearing in the clumps of green, brown, black, gold, and patches of white. Hayato huddled into Takeshi as they trailed after, Hayato wincing as he felt the chilly wind brush against his nose. 

 

If he was freezing, Tsuna must have been an icicle by now. 

 

“HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” Tsuna’s high-pitched shriek echoed through the forest and Hayato and Takeshi were in front of him in a second, taking in their scenery. 

 

Deers. 

 

Deers everywhere. And belly-dancers. So many of them. 

 

“What the hell?” Hayato asked as Tsuna huddled into his back, eyes wide at the sight of the deers. 

 

“I found another belly-dancer, gang! Now we can finally do our deer-dance!” The mysterious man called, stripping to reveal a dancer’s outfit under his layers of clothing. 

 

“No,” Takeshi said, flicking out his blade. “This isn’t fun.” 

 

“I wanna dance!” Tsuna called out, pushing past his two friends. 

 

“Oh god,” Hayato groaned, crouching over as he gripped his hair. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Huh,” Takeshi spoke as he leaned against a tree trunk, arms crossed. “I didn’t know Tsuna could move like that.” 

 

“Neither did I,” Hayato spoke as he stared unblinkingly as Tsuna danced around the frolicking deers. Around him, the gentle strums of the koto mixed with the cooling air as the mass of belly-dancers danced around. 

 

“I fucking love him,” Takeshi laughed as he watched a deer begin to eat at Tsuna’s pants. Tsuna, flustered, ended up falling and was swarmed by deers who were more than happy to lick him. 

 

“Same,” Hayato whispered softly, his words getting carried away by the wind and the music. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Welcome home!” Nana greeted as the three trudged through the door, Tsuna slumbering against Takeshi’s shoulder as Takeshi hoisted him up higher on his back. “How was the trip?” 

 

“What are you talking about?” Hayato bluntly asked, his face daring Nana to say anything. Nana’s smile faltered and she glanced at the belly-dancer outfit peeking out of Takeshi’s backpack and then nodded. 

 

“I’ll make some tea. Go rest up, sweeties. Hayato-kun, feel closer to Tsu-kun now?” Nana asked as the two began to ascend the stairs. Hayato paused, blinking. 

 

“Yes,” Hayato spoke slowly. “I feel closer to Tsuna-sama now.” Nana, hearing the shortening of her son’s name, beamed. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I just really love Dame-Tsuna, okay? Like a lot. 
> 
> Hayato learned to love him for his faults....all of his faults (like 90% of this smol child is faults poor bby)
> 
> Anyways, hope you got a laugh out of this? Since my next chapter of DAMN Vongola won't have any laughing parts (intentional parts, at least. You may have dark humor like me).


End file.
